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Friday, August 10, 2007

Tractor Games


I was reading this week about a sporting event in Texas called The Redneck Games, which included heats in the mudhole belly-flop and mattress chuck. Vemont rednecks, commonly referred to as "Vermonters", have our sport too. Getting tractors stuck deep in the woods is chief among the summer competitions. The idea is to find a place in the forest most inaccessible to any piece of equipment bigger than the one you've got -- the only thing that can save you -- and bury it.

Of course, the next step is to find somebody with a bigger tractor, skidder, or backhoe and convince them to risk their machine to save yours. This is the real art of the sport and what separates Vermonters from Texans. It's all about tact, persuasion and charm. You anticipate the excuses and preempt them, IE: "Unless you're afraid you'll get stuck too." Works almost as good as cash.

Being a Kubota tractor owner makes things easier because John Deere owners love nothing more than to pull Kubotas out of the mud. There is a particular smirk unique to the John Deere pilot with a Kubota on the end of his logging chain. The common English phrase "Green with envy" refers directly to the Kubota owner watching the signature green Deere do what he could not do for himself. It makes us humble, introspective and desperate for a voice of our own. It makes us drive sensible cars and wear sensible shoes and send Socialists to the US Senate.

But, Vermont politics, that's a different sport for a different blog on another day. I think I hear the neighbor's John Deere coming up the road. Gotta run.

4 Comments:

Blogger Denny and Sue said...

I once drove past a wet meadow that the owner was obviously trying to maintain. There was a small lawn tractor, attached to a bigger lawn tractor, attached to a pickup, attached to a farm tractor. All were stuck and abandoned. I regret seeing how they all eventually got out.

By the way, does your tractor have a bumper sticker yet?

9:42 PM  
Anonymous blackdog said...

Once a co-worker for a small city got his 4WD truck stuck near a flooded bayou. He convinced another co-worker to use his 4WD truck to help and he got stuck. Then the first guy gets on a 4WD kabota tractor and gets it stuck, comes back and gets a kabota backhoe, gets it stuck, then the final blow, he takes a large case backhoe and gets it stuck.

Fortunately there was no more equipment to get stuck, he had to wait two days for a rice farmers hugh rig to come and pull all that stuff out. Wish I had it recorded. It was sorta funny.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Metz said...

And just what were you doing playing with your tractor in the woods anyway? Hmmmm?

That's like my Father and his joy of pulling Fords out of ditches in the winter time with his Chevy.
Not to worry though, you'll get your turn. It happend to Dad it'll happen to them. Then you'll have the extra satisfaction of getting them out of their predicament.

11:09 AM  
Blogger harborparis said...

ya didn't go and buy 2 wheel drive did ya. Those little 4 wheel drives are yard/woods working demons. And if you don't go too fast you don't bust steering gears.

10:41 PM  

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