Stuck Inside of Hartford with the Chicago Blues Again

I'm sitting in Bradley International airport theoretically on my way to Chicago, which is surrounded by violent thunderstorms. Air traffic is backed up all the way to Portugal and as I enjoy my suspiciously fresh-like banana nut-like muffin, I contemplate the meaning of it all. The TSA is especially stern and attentive today due to the discovery this week that terrorist market testers have been taping cellphones to blocks of processed cheese to see if this can get through security. Authorities think this may be a dry run for smuggling explosives at some later date. I believe a cellphone taped to a block of processed cheese is threat enough all by itself. Face it, when you hear the phrase "block of processed cheese" you think, Velveeta. Now, imagine it exploding. Dozens of innocent travelers showered in hot, atomized Velveeta. The psychological damage alone could leave hideous scars. Of course, it's also possible that taping a phone to a block of cheese is just a beta test for some new electronic wonder. The Cheeseberry, perhaps. Text message your mom for that nacho recipe with the goods right in your hand. I think you could sell some of those.
They just announced another one-hour departure delay to Chicago. I have to get there for a taping of WWDTM tonight. It's a news quiz. Maybe I should go buy a paper.