Thursday, May 03, 2007

Ask a MAWG

In the interests of derivative humor and to counter the realities of my daily family life where I am surrounded by Mexicans, half-Mexicans and Guatemalans who never Ask A Middle-Aged White Guy anything -- here is your chance.

May 3, 2007

Dear MAWG,

I travel often for my business and see a lot of MAWGs at airports. I have one question, why are you guys all so cranky?

Estuardo in Dallas

Dear Stu,

Two words: Sciatica. Melanoma.
Now leave me alone.

May 5, 2007

Dear MAWG,

I have made exactly the opposite observation as Estuardo. I have found that white people can't stand not talking and making dumb ass comments about the obvious. Say you're standing in the coffee queue and it's taking a long time. Some white guy always turns around and says to you, "It's taking a long time." If it's not taking a long time but it's a nice day they'll helpfully point out, "Nice day." Why can't you guys just stay quiet?


Dear Ahmed,

It is fear of being mistaken for foreigners. If we just stand there without demonstrating our command of English -- the internationally recognized language of diplomacy, commerce, and the 101st Airborne -- people might think we're Polish. Or German. Even French (Less common because of the shoes and skinny cigarettes). Saying, have a nice day to a stranger might seem like a useless inanity, but it is in fact our way of saying I am an American. Hear me roar. .. And please don't hurt me.


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