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Sunday, December 17, 2006

It Slices It Dices

Tom,

I have also heard that you should never buy your wife a kitchen appliance as a gift, but mine is adamant that she wants a food processor for Christmas. She really seems to mean it. What do you think -- is this a trick?

-Wavering in Dallas

Snap out of it, man! Run away from this as fast as you can. Not because it is a trick. I'm sure your wife really does want this thing. Do it for your marriage. Electric food processors are the worst thing to enter the kitchen since ceramic wall fruits. They have dozens of small parts that all require cleaning if you even show it to a vegetable and every moment you save up front will cost you three in the back end clean up. Also, the razor-sharp rotator blades crouch at the bottom of sudsy sinks and dark dishwashers like saber-toothed gophers waiting to pounce on your fleshy fingers. The unit with all of its accessories will not fit in one cupboard and will soon become permanently separated including the little cap that keeps garlic and basil from spraying out the top unless you hold your hand over it. You will grow to hate this appliance. She will grow to resent you for your lack of support. Your marriage could be the thing that ends up sliced and diced. Get her a knife set and a sharpening stone. And some earrings. I mean it.

2 Comments:

Blogger piglet said...

Amen.

If you count assembly, disassembly and clean-up, knives are faster.

10:22 PM  
Blogger chuck said...

I would have to agree with you Tom as the Food Processor is BAD NEWS... I USED to have one (the operative word is USED to) and when I finally got rid of it I found myself wondering why I tried to keep it so long.

They are a pain...

A Good knife set, sharpening stone, and cutting board works so much better. And like you said then you can also get the Bling... you know the Jewlery... I gave the love of my life a beautiful new Seiko watch that she was wanting for christmas and I have found it has given me much more happiness than it probably will ever give her.

Blessings to you and your family this holiday...

Ohhh and keep warm...

Chuck in OR

10:37 PM  

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